I do hurt, you know.

I mean yeah, I do look all happy and brainless on the outside sometimes. but it kills me every time just knowing things that I know.

sometimes I feel so small and tiny and insignificant and overlooked. one moment you make me feel so important, and the next I feel tossed aside like a good old nobody's nobody. okay, I take it back, I feel like a good old nobody's nobody all the time.

sometimes I do wonder what things'll be like if I didn't live in Singapore, looked a little prettier or a little thinner, dressed a little nicer, had a wilder mind, grew up in a different kind of household, and all that kinda stuff. if I could just make a deal for a day of what ifs. just a day. just 1 day. one day.

 

would I be of more importance then? not just to you, but to my own family, to the friends from years ago, to the world in general.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OKAY SCRAP WHATEVER I SAID UP THERE.

I DO BELIEVE GOD HAS SOMETHING PLANNED FOR ME, AND THOUGH SOMETIMES, I FEEL SO AGHRIJGAERKHGKA AND ARGHOMGWHATISTHISNOOOOOO, BUT I STILL HAVE TO GO ON, 'CAUSE I'M SURE HE WANTS ME TO ACHIEVE/GET/SEE SOMETHING THROUGH IT ALL.

yes, I really do feel like killing something today. especially since I was down after posting what I did above, then my mood went up up up again after some meditating, and now it's at a point whereby I'm frustrated-appeased-having-oh-my-goodness-me-I'm-going-to-die-in-camp-thoughts-I-need-to-buy-some-new-dark-coloured-shorts-urges ALL TOGETHER AT ONCE, SO YEAH.

OHEMGOSH,WHATISTHISSUCHAMIXTUREANDIDON'TKNOWWHATTODOWHATTOFEELHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOW.

 

 

 

 

 

well that kinda sucks. I need to talk. a lot a lot. like, rant/bitch kinda talk. hmm, FT Island calm me downnnnn.

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