I enjoyed myself over the past few days, I truly did.

I feel like I've accomplished a lot over the past week, in terms of rebuilding friendships, establishing myself, seeking out new doors and openings for myself.

I'm thankful for the people around me at school and the people I know from TYA. the people that support me, that I can even have a laugh or share tears and opinions with. I'm amazed by the people God put me with.

 

I'm really glad we arranged to meet after school on Wednesday to talk about what was bothering me, and also for the long bus ride. I got things that were really suffocating me off my chest.

I'm really happy to have gotten off my seat at dinner on Thursday to talk to you about what's happening in my life right now. I'm really happy to have connected with you after we haven't been in contact for a while. thank you so much for helping and advising me even on some of my choices. it's great to have seen a positive growth in you. ^^

I'm incredibly relieved and grateful to have plucked up the courage to talk to you with regards to what I've been going through on Saturday. things definitely didn't go to how I thought it would, but it went better, many a time better than I'd expected it to go. I'm sorry for not updating you for so long, but am really really thankful for your understanding. I won't let you down, I promise.

 

and now, as the new week arrives, a new fight begins.

I've realised the difference in trying to rebuild a friendship and trying to build a friendship. sure, a simple "re" is all that separates the 2 words "rebuild" and "build", but to actually do those... it's a whole different thing.

it's hard to go on, we're at such a stalemate; I don't want to make a move, and neither do you. I keep thinking, reasoning, deciding, planning on what to do next, but somehow... nothing ever comes out. I think of the setbacks, I think of the ideal outcome. but I know that if we don't make a move anytime soon... nothing's ever going to happen.

it's time I make my mind up and set my heart to doing what I said I would do. it's been going on too long, and as the term comes to end, time is running out. I'm willing to take the first step, but I can't do it alone. I really can't. but if I have to, then I will.

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