for the first time in a long time, I literally lost it yesterday.

and as I sat there in a corner thinking about it, I felt everything slipping out of my hands like sand.

I felt hope slipping out of my heart, I felt the fight that was always there in me for the longest time ever fading away. I felt so freaking helpless, knowing that everything, every situation, every problem was just so wrong, and I knew exactly what I could do to make things right, I could see the end result in sight, but yet... yet  I couldn't do it.

it's just so disappointing. knowing that I've been working hard to get what I want, yet at these very moments, I feel like I've let myself down. I let myself down so, so much.

everything just didn't turn out as expected. maybe I expected too much; out of me, out of you, out of everything. I felt like I'd placed too much trust, too much faith, too much hope in the fact that if I gave 110% in trying to make things right, everyone else would as well.

but in truth... maybe I just expect too much out of everything; myself and others.

argh, stupid girl. others seek happiness, I seek doom.

gotta change this. I'm still hanging on, onto whatever little hope I have left in my palm. my hands feel like they're burning since I've been holding on so long. but it doesn't matter. doesn't matter, as long as everyone else is happy.

no, it doesn't matter.

Labels: photo, regular