I said it. last night, I said it.

just one word and I said it, and the reason why I needed more of it. couldn't look at anyone as I said my piece, tearing a little yet holding back (again).

more forgiveness because I hold grudges that hurt no one else but myself the most. 


I'd seriously thought long and hard about that one question. thought about what to share, heard about what the others had to share and tried to find my way out of that one word that plagued me ever since the question was brought out to the floor. somewhere in my heart perhaps, I'd hoped that I wouldn't have to share, that no one would called my name and so that I wouldn't be so tongue-tied and wouldn't have to share this little bit I've been refusing to admit in my heart.


28 March draws closer, yet I'm nowhere near where I should be.

everything seems to be a blur, completely dark, without any support. still blindly reaching out into the darkness and searching for something, just anything. yet in the midst somehow stabbing myself over and over again, shrinking deeper and deeper into... into me. locking everything up, as I'd said I'd do. nothing seems real anymore.

yet at the same time, the spot at which I stand on seems real enough. where my feet touch the so-called ground.


urghhhhhhhhhhhh, frustrating piece of shit. I'm just looking for some form of assurance, some form of affirmation. is it that hard?

因为面对不了而选择逃避.

Labels: emo, random