the past 2 weeks have had a greater impact on me than possibly anything else in recent times.

really, having gone for HI Club Instructor Camp 2011, HMS FOW 2011 Facilitators Bonding Camp, and then HMS FOW 2011, I've been able to see how much I've changed over the past few years.

it really freaks me out sometimes when I think about it now. the things that I've been doing (and am still doing) as well as the feelings I've had (and am still getting) when I'm in NP, I would probably never have done ever in my life if I stayed in that hole that I was in.

beyond words is all that I can say. 

this experience will stay with me forever.

really, sometimes I wish my parents and sister would see this change in me as a good thing, and not a bad thing. though I haven't really been able to find out more about how they think about my being so active in school all of a sudden, I just have a nagging vibe of their disapproval of my activities, my friends even.

is it really wrong of me to have many friends that I can talk to and go out with to play and have fun?

it really pains me sometimes, that I'm being compared to her all the time. wish they could see really, that I'm not going to put myself in such a deep hole and not crawl out.

I'm not going to be anti-social and be picky and choosy when it comes to getting to know people and making friends and doing things I've never done. 

fuck it, I am my own person, so why can't you just let me be. 

Labels: regular