maybe, just maybe, if I hold it down, hold it in, for a long enough time, these feelings will fade away and just disappear in due time.




I'm just one small girl. I can't mean much to anyone or anything. I never did, probably.

there was always her studies, her job, her income, her talents, that came before me.

then there was the baby; small, cute, intelligent, brave, weak, and just a bundle of joy to the family.

there was always the academics; assignments, tests, exams, posters, essays, reports that were more urgent, more demanding for our futures.

and then there were always the others; the others who mattered more, the others who were there first, the others who made more contributions, the others who cheered people up better, the others who were more trusted, the others who shone more brightly than I would ever.

and me? I'm just me. quiet, hushed, guilty, tired, broken, awkward, twisted, weird, overshadowed, unimportant, never to be fixed.



hush now.

 

because that's the way it goes. that's the way it always goes.

hush now, don't you cry, girl, not for me, not for anyone.

others before the self, always. others before the self.

 

 

that doesn't matter at all.

I'm here for people. that's what I'm here for. I'll always be here. you can't get rid of me, no matter how bad I feel about myself or what you do.

that's why I'm in this course in the first place right? to be there for people. to help.

 

take my hand if you want to. I won't force you to, but it'll be there, outstretched, waiting.

no matter the ache, the pain, the time wasted.

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