I may not know what exactly happened, but I do know and can feel what goes through their minds each and every time. the words that come out just hurt so much. and even as a third party, I feel it too.

things just get even worse when you're the third party, and you can't do anything to stop it. I want to tell them to stop it, to stop saying those words. but I just can't. there's just so much of a limit to what I can do. I would stop it, but status and the lack of courage hold me back each and every time.

the final result: I can only see it going down each generation. and the only thing I can do? stop myself from turning into what they are and restrain myself from hurting my own children.

I should have seen things coming this way. I really should have. I guess it may be my own fault that I'm the one getting hurt so much right now.

I took it upon myself to keep everyone bonded, to make different groups merge into one huge group. I took it upon myself to do those, and I expected myself to succeed. as the saying goes, the higher the expectations, the bigger the fall. I guess I'll consider myself fallen and broken now.

who am I to judge and say things? who am I to move mountains and split the seas? I tried my best; I had the highs and now I'm at the lows.

I leave things in Your almighty hands, Lord. 

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