I guess I only realised this now as I'm studying Persid. maybe it was always in my head, the explanation for my feeling down. and the words to describe it just hit me now at I'm reading about Erikson. (I know, random much?! :O)

 

either way;

I feel like it's such a pity sometimes, when people stop what they've been doing all along without realising how things affect others.

a few questions I was asked quite a while ago popped into my head. and I remembered my answers to them as well. it's all so strange, how my memory functions these few days; but still, at least I remember.

those, that, question and my answer struck a chord in me. it was what drove me then... but now? I recently lost sight of it, and it's now that I see it again.

 

it was all about giving others hope, giving them some amount of motivation. 

it's when I see others continuing to fight for others that I draw hope, that I draw a motivation to continue fighting my own fights. it's when I see people asking after, and when I have people that mean something to me ask after me; simple acts of service, simple words even, that I feel myself getting stronger to tackle whatever that comes at me.

it makes me want to do it too.

it makes me want to ask after others, it makes me want to stay strong for others too.

it makes me want to care even more, even when I know the pains and I know the hurts. 

 

I guess on the contrary, when people stop caring that hope and that motivation I draw from them fade out slowly. like the impending shadows that have been lurking around and waiting for that small window of opportunity advancing and devouring a feeble, defenseless light in their midst.

whatever happened to we're all in this together, one for all and all for one?

 

(hehehe, okay, to be honest, I had a rough day where the inner demons took over again sometimes when I was home alone in the afternoon. but somehow... reading just the beginning of Erikson sparked this thought in my head.

feeling rather proud of myself for figuring out yet another question in my head regarding my recent and current behaviours. a pat on my own back!

there are, of course, downsides for what I just mentioned above. as always, we can't depend on others and it isn't good to be feeding off them all the freaking time. but don't get me wrong, all I'm saying is that doesn't it motivate and give you some form of hope when you see people doing nice things for others from time to time, regardless of how meaningless and lame and stupid it may seem?

I guess, yeah, some people may be quiet and shy and more introverted than others, but still, they need a certain amount of attention too, no? so shouldn't we reach out to them?

 

argh omgosh, I'm starting to lose a lot of sense. >< guess the feel of trying to twist and turn everything into words kinda... faded already. wahahaha. gotta head back to Erikson and his Post-Freudian Theory then. hope you had a good time reading and attempting to decipher what I meant.

[OOH NOW I KNOW WHY I ALWAYS HAD LOW MARKS FOR COMPOS. I generally start to lose sense and structure when I write stuff. >< sucks, but kinda cool as well. to me, I guess. ^^]

OKAY FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M GOING BACK TO ERIKSON. :D)

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